Forgive and Forget? GTFOH.

In all of my years, I never thought that I would look at the beautiful act of forgiveness with so much side-eye. Many people have had things happen to them throughout their lives at the hands of others. Often those who are transgressed are asked to try and forgive their transgressors. I believe that is in the Lord’s Prayer somewhere, but I acknowledge that it’s been a minute since I have said it. In the last few weeks, the concept of forgiveness has been challenged in ways that I do not think people have ever expected to see. 

In that Dallas Courtroom, Botham Jean’s brother, Brandt Jean hugs and forgives Amber Guyger, the police officer who shot and killed his brother in HIS own home. She mistakenly thought she was entering HER apartment, and Botham Jean, the intruder in his own home, was shot and killed by her. During her sentencing, her hair was stroked by a bailiff, and the sentencing judge handed her a Bible to take to jail along with a hug. I, like many people, especially people of color, clutched my pearls and followed it with a loud “WTF?” That was followed by an even louder “GTFOH”. And after an extensive period of rolling my eyes and doing a sassy Caribean Teeth Suck, I decided to try and see it from the family’s side.

I did a “little” Biblical research, and no, the floor did not open and try to swallow my sinful behind. According to Luke 17:4, “If he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘repent,’ you must forgive him.” This means that there is no maximum amount of forgiveness we can bestow. Um…I think you should count your blessings that you got one out of me. So please do not come back for more, because I got only so much to give. Then I found this one: Numbers 14:18, “The LORD is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but He will by no means clear the guilty.”  This loosely sounds like God will handle those who have wronged us because He does not let the guilty go unpunished. I guess that is why Deuteronomy 32:35, Vengeance is mine, and recompense, for the time when their foot shall slip; for the day of their calamity is at hand, and their doom comes swiftly,  feels like the verse that lets the Jean Family sleep at night now that they have freed themselves with forgiveness, because they know that the God that they serve will handle her. I guess many things can happen to Amber Guyger during her 10-year sentence. If they do, then their hands and consciences are clean.

There is a Spanish proverb that says, “No revenge is more honorable than the one not taken. “ There is also a Chinese proverb that says, “He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves.” They say that forgiveness is for the person extending it rather than the person receiving it. I can totally see the need for Botham Jean’s family to extend their hands because to be consumed with thoughts of revenge and hatred, which are to be expected, will wear out your soul. Their religious teachings seem to buoy them through this time. Yet, as much as I read those verses, and as much as I try to put myself in that place, I know that forgiveness would not come to me so quickly. Furthermore, I know that a hug would have been out of the frigging question. In addition to your religious beliefs, those 2 proverbs can make you think about how you act when someone transgresses you. 

Within 10 days after the sentencing, the main witness who helped put Amber in jail was dead. Joshua Brown was gunned down at his apartment complex, and there are plenty of theories floating around about how and why that young man was murdered. And just this last week again in Texas, another African-American was gunned down in her OWN home by another white police officer, defending her nephew and herself from the sounds outside — being made by the police that SHE did not call. The officer not only quit his job, but he has been charged with her murder. In any case, I hope that we will not see another public display of the Jean family’s level of forgiveness, or another moment from behind the bench.

To the Jean, Brown, and Jefferson families, I hope through all of this craziness that they find some peace. I am sure that they will get to it in their own time. My mother used to say, “I can forgive, but I will never forget.” I know those families, like many others in the past and apparently in the immediate future, will never be able to forget either.

Rest in Peace Atatiana Jefferson, Joshua Brown, and Botham Jean.