Trump Vaccine. Did You Get Yours?

Not that this is new news, but social media and politics have a bizarre relationship, and the “Pendejo-in-Chief” (quoting my Political Papi Chulo, Xorje Olivares) has shown just how messed up that relationship is. As we continue on the path to impeachment, I am still astonished that we are still trying to “figure” it out. Admittedly, this whole experience feels like I’ve read the last five pages of a mystery novel, resumed reading from the beginning, and then watching for all of the clues that point me to “whodunit”. For those watching this closely, the public facts read like a season of ABC’s SCANDAL. This would make sense considering that we have a reality TV star as our president. 

As the number of scandals within this administration keeps growing, many different institutions have started to buckle under the pressure. If we do nothing, we soon are going to be the recipients of all of that collateral damage. However, when something goes “viral” from the White House, I have been forced to relinquish some of my cynicism and pay some attention. When you inspect a little closer, things are really not going great in this country. Somehow, no matter what I try to do, the cynic in me wins. How do I know? Keep reading.  

While brunching, I had a conversation with a college friend of mine. We were both Pre-med back in undergrad days, but now he is a fancy-schmancy doctor, which is why he paid for brunch. Anyway, while waiting for my chicken and waffles, just after my third Mimosa refill, I told him something that made him shake his head. I said that I believe that our president is a virus. 

After his Danny Thomas Spit take (Google it!) with HIS third Mimosa, he demanded that I prove my bizarre theory. Now I will admit that my Microbiology memories are cloudy. So, I took another swig of my mimosa and then it started to flow. After I did a little refresher, I decided that I needed to write it down, because I started getting all Brunch Brilliant and sassy. 

Here’s a quickie tutorial*: From the moment a virus attaches to a healthy cell, the replication process includes: 

1. attachment
2. penetration
3. uncoating
4. replication
5. assembly
6. release 

During 1) attachment and 2) penetration, the virus attaches itself to a host cell and injects its genetic material into it. As gross as it sounds, the United States of America was once a relatively healthy cell. Some things surrounding the cell (like poverty, racism, sexism, greed, and reality TV) have made it less vigilant to fight off normal irritants and disease, but the country “seemed” okay. Who knew that the guy riding down the golden escalator of his building to announce his candidacy for president, would become the embodiment of those outside irritants encapsulated in one person, to create a special virus? He shows contempt for women, the poor, and people of color. He certainly has proven to be a champion of the rich and ridiculous.

Like a virus, he sat on the slightly compromised membrane of this country and waited for it to be weak enough to penetrate and inject his RNA. (Eww, right?) Low voter turnout, apathy, and some Russian voodoo made the November 2016 election the weak portal needed to let him deep inside the cell. (Again, Eww?) I blame our slow and often nonexistent responses to all forms of inequalities in this country, as the fertilizer that makes the environment perfect for this type of virus to flourish. 

Here is a quick visual to give you a frame of reference. 

In 3) uncoating, the genetic code of the virus enters the host cell naked, leaving the capsid, or in this case, the shell of a human outside the cell. Once inside the cell, the viral nucleic acid is released, which then becomes available for replication and transcription. I would like to point you to 4 letters that will explain the opening of this paragraph perfectly: M-A-G-A. Once this took off, it seemed that many toxic things were starting to happen within the cell. More shootings, more death by the hand of police, nice people amongst supremacist, and so forth, have become almost normalized.

During 4) replication and 5) assembly, the viral DNA or RNA incorporates itself into the host cell’s genetic material and the rest of the cell’s machinery is taken over and forced to create more versions of the virus. Need I say that the mere presence of Ivanka Trump is the best example of DNA getting inside the White House.   

In the final viral stage, the newly-created viruses are released from the host cell, either by causing the cell to break apart, waiting for the cell to die or by budding off through the cell membrane. They are now free to infect other healthy cells, while polluting the cell’s original environment, making it unsafe for the remaining healthy cells to thrive for much longer. I now point you to just about every cabinet post and staff member, ambassador and judge (appointed/resigned and temporary). They are somehow connected to Trump, either by ideology, business, or convenience. The current impeachment inquiry is a perfect example to explain many of those appointments. If you examine every cabinet and its mission to the American people, then you can see their interruptions and failures of promises to us. Why? Because just about every leader is either unqualified, riddled with personal scandal, or in their private business lives, they were actually in litigation with the agencies that they now lead. This is undeniably the best way to weaken our country from within like a good virus does. 

So if you think that the EPA is protecting our land, water, and air, then please try to remember THAT when we are fighting and foraging for food, water, and shelter, like we are living with Mad Max in Beyond Thunderdome (Google it). If you think the current Department of Education is going to ensure that we have smart kids, then you are being duped. The Department of Homeland Security is doing “what” to keep us safe again? How do the State Department and its current impeachment ties with Trump-appointed ambassadors representing HIM around the world, look to you now? It’s kind of scary, right? Are you feeling my Mimosa induced, chicken with waffles having, PRESIDENTIAL PANDEMIC Viral Infection theory now? Perhaps I should consult a real Virologist? 

Viruses are species-specific, and almost every species on Earth can be affected by some form of a virus. From what I am witnessing, every day Trump is in office is another day that one of those new viruses can affect something else in the world. These last two elections are proving that the 2018 Blue Wave Flu Shot is starting to work. It feels like voting is one of the best vaccines. I hope it stays potent.

Also in full disclosure, I forgot to tell my friend that I had a loaded brownie followed by an even more potent gummy before we started brunch. That might have helped to get this conclusion, too, and it may help me to deal with it, at least in the present moment! 

*SOURCE: Virus Infections and Hosts