Who’s Your Daddy?
No Me Digas. Op-Ed: Keith Price
When Sen. John McCain was the Republican model to follow, Sen. Graham was practically attached to his hip. He probably felt protected from the craziness of many of his contemporary colleagues like Sen. Myrtle the Turtle. After Sen. McCain’s death, watching Sen. Graham has been just hard to stomach. He still remains attached to 45’s hip, even after Trump trashes the memory of his previous senate husband, tries to interrupt the democratic process, and attempts to start an insurrection. Some would say it happened immediately after he was chased through the airport by some Trump supporters. There’s no loyalty to his previous man. I feel like Lindsey is following the rules of being a prison wife. Seth McFarland’s AMERICAN DAD cartoon has an episode that explains it the best way:
Am I shady? Yes, but in my defense, the belief in Lindsey Graham’s heterosexuality reminds me of one of my favorite SNL sketches. Lock up your mothers and grandmothers, because Lindsey’s Looking for Love, baby. He’s L. L. Cool J. What do the initials stand for? The Ladies Love Cool Graham? Stop laughing.
In his most recent interview with Axios, Sen. Lindsey Graham says that he wants to harness some of the “magic” that Trump has within the Republican party and concurrently try to manage his darkness. I am not one to call anyone out of their name, but Bitch, please! He also goes on to compare Trump to Jesse Helms, Ronald Reagen, and P.T. Barnum. A noted racist, a man who lost his mind while in office, and the original ringmaster of a circus whose most famous quote is “there’s a sucker born every minute,” are the people to whom he compares Trump. If you do not notice the realness of this comparison and do not see any danger in it, then I have to ask, are you donating directly to 45’s fundraising efforts? If so and you have money to waste on that BS, then you could Venmo me some @comedydaddy. No, seriously Venmo me, especially if you are throwing money at someone who is going to use it to pay his bills and give you nothing in return.
Graham’s effort to be angry after the insurrection attempt was noted and quickly nullified by his comments to justify his vote to acquit Trump. In the AXIOS interview, he further characterizes Trump as an “equal opportunity abuser” and then at the end of the day “he is charming”. It reeks of the most abused spouse still trying to explain to their family and friends that they are really good underneath the broken ribs and wired jaw that they are currently sporting. What the hell, man, where is your backbone? If Stockholm Syndrome could be a fragrance, you can only imagine what Lindsey Graham’s commercial for it would look like. It would probably be reminiscent of Calvin Klein’s Obsession ads. Google it. And yes again, I’ve digressed.
The idea that Lindsey Graham recently called COVID relief going to minority farmers, “reparations”, reminds me of everything else coming out of the mouth of that senatorial Scarlett O’Hara wannabe. In addition to the many rumors already circulating about him, and you know what I am talking about, adding subtle racist/possible white supremacist energy to them is not a stretch. I know the possibility of someone being allegedly gay and racist may be shocking to some, but ask any black gay man about GRINDR or GROWLR, and I guarantee that they can find you a profile and tell you a story or two.
Needless to say, Lindsey Graham is a special kind of fish, or at least that is what I heard. While watching MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell interview Steve Schmidt, a former Republican strategist and one of the founders of The Lincoln Project, he commented on the impeachment madness. During his diatribe, he mentioned Sen. Lindsey Graham. I remember my ears perked up because I, like many other catty bitches, am awaiting the news that the alleged Lady G has finally run off with his Latvian pool boy and/or his gardener, or to see if there are pics of him and Karl Rove going window shopping in Amsterdam together. In any case, he does continue to protest, and honestly, with too much sass for your run-of-the-mill confirmed bachelor types, if you know what I mean? Wink, wink.
In any event, he is also a fascinating study of hypocrisy and flip floppery. We have seen the difference between “Clinton Impeachment” Lindsey versus “Trump Impeachment” Lindsey. During the election of 2016, Lindsey had some choice words about the THEN presidential nominee, but if you see the way that Sen. Graham is genuflecting now, weeks after another rigged Impeachment process along with an attempted insurrection, it’s the same person but worse. What happened to you, Lady G? One of the things that Mr. Schmidt mentioned that really caught my attention was that Lindsey Graham reminded him of a certain type of fish that attaches itself to large predators. I immediately had to look it up. I found the Remora* fish:
“The remora is a small fish that usually measures between one and three feet long. Their front dorsal fins evolved over time into an organ that sits like a suction cup on the top of their heads. This organ allows the remora to attach to a passing shark, usually on the shark’s belly or underside. Sometimes they even attach to whales, manta rays, and the occasional diver. The shark and remora relationship benefits both species. Remoras eat scraps of prey dropped by the shark. They also feed off of parasites on the shark’s skin and in its mouth. This makes the shark happy because the parasites would otherwise irritate the shark.- Source “
As gross as that fish sounds, you cannot deny that it is a pretty accurate description of the behavior in question. Since 45 has spent many days luxuriating on a resort since his departure, he still requires obedience and allegiance. It is clear that the Senate Remora fish is firmly attached while harnessing the magic and feasting on political leftovers of the most powerful predator in the Republican sea, and he is not going anywhere. That sounds like loyalty. We can guess the answer if Sen. Graham is asked, “who’s your daddy?” And because I am shady, here is another clip of Lindsey. Whoops, I mean Lyle.
Wear a mask. Wash your hands. Stay Distanced.
